i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize