fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
