...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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