sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
