i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
