it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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