just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
