how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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