I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
