I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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