mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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