I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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