she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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