he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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