Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
