im drinking this country out of the recession.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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