well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
