i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
