She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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