I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
