His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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