Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
