I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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