My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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