Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
