this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
