This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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