A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Success! We fucked roommates!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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