I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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