Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
