I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
