It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
