We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
