oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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