Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
