Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize