I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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