dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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