I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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