He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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