I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
