so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
