I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
