I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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