Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize