What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
