Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize