Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
