Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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