I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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