Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
