i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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