Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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