guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
