1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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