it was like eating out sand paper
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
