I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
