I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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