I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
