i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
