After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When are your genitals available?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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