We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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