Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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