After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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