I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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